The Things We Say | Jon Kidwell

Ever wondered why seemingly simple phrases like "as soon as possible" can lead to such hilarious misunderstandings? On this episode of the Leadwell Podcast, we're breaking down the comical chaos and confusion that arise from everyday language, especially in leadership and business settings. From the murky waters of "I'm available while I'm off" to the unintended directives hidden in "I think," we share personal stories—including the humorous perils of asking a child to do a chore—that underline the necessity of clear communication. Join us as we help you recognize and refine your communication skills to become a more effective leader and avoid the pitfalls of ambiguity.

Clear communication isn't just about avoiding confusion; it's a crucial ingredient for building strong relationships and achieving outstanding results. This episode emphasizes the power of asking clarifying questions to determine whether a statement is an idea, an update, a decision, or an action. We also touch on the importance of extending grace during those inevitable awkward moments of unclear communication. Ultimately, we aim to inspire honesty and clarity in all interactions, fostering a productive and harmonious environment. Tune in, take care, and keep communicating well!

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For more information visit https://leadwell.com

The Leadwell Podcast gives mission-driven leaders principled and practical advice to do just that, lead well.

In each episode, your host Jon Kidwell, interviews leaders with great stories, to share strategies that help leaders navigate complex, confusing, and often down-right challenging leadership, personal growth, business, and workplace culture situations.

Jon is a nonprofit executive turned coach, speaker, author, and CEO of a leadership development company. In working with nonprofits and businesses, big and small, he realized the unique challenges leaders face when they are committed to keeping the mission and people the top priority. Those leaders’ commitment to their principles and the people they lead, plus seeing the need for more leaders who strive to do the right thing, the right way, for the right reasons, is what inspired Jon to start a leadership development company dedicated to the success of mission-driven leaders and their organiza...

Transcript

Jon Kidwell 0:04

If I'm being honest, the things we say are hilarious and sometimes downright confusing.

Jon Kidwell 0:16

If I'm being honest, sometimes the things we say are hilarious and they are downright confusing.

Jon Kidwell 0:22

Let's get into today's episode so we can clarify these things, what we can do, and all have a better understanding. Hey y'all, this is the Leadwell Podcast. It is the podcast for mission-driven leaders, where we dive into what is most important so that you can lead your business and your people well and, if I'm being honest, that is a hilarious statement. Are you saying that you haven't been honest all of the other times that we've been talking? And listen, I'm so guilty of so many of the phrases that we're going to talk about on the things we say and just how confusing and strange. And leaders, sometimes we fit into the camp of being the worst at this with cliches and euphemisms and just ambiguous language, because sometimes we are facing uncertainty ourselves. So how can we have some fun with the things that we say? How can we get clear so that we don't have the confusion? And if I'm sitting there thinking my leader is the worst at this, what can I do? Let's dive into some of those things. So what got me thinking about the things that we say Well, we were sitting there at dinner one night and we're getting ready to clear the table and I turned to one of the kids and I said, hey, can you take your dishes to the dishwasher?

Jon Kidwell 1:39

And they had the audacity to say no, which is fine. Like, looking back at it, it was a question, but it kind of catches you. And then it hit me like a tidal wave of oh, my goodness, how many times have I said to a team member, hey, can you do this? And I've just taken for granted the fact that that was a direction, that was a task assignment, that was all of those things. But what it wasn't was a question. So you know, out of the mouth of babes and the kid just saying no, oh well, let me rephrase that Please take your dishes to the dishwasher. And all of a sudden it's the same thing, it's just worded more properly because of what I was trying to get across. So it got me thinking about that.

Jon Kidwell 2:22

And then now I go sit with leaders and coaching calls and all over the place, and I'm just, you can't help but unhear and unsee some of the things that you see. So here are some of those phrases, right? If I'm being honest, we kind of already went into that one. Here's another one that's just hilarious but also way, way confusing. Get that done as soon as possible. Like my as soon as possible always focuses on the soon your as soon as possible might focus on when it's possible of your task list of 37 things, or, oh, asap. I generally think that's probably by the end of the week and I'm generally thinking that's by the end of this meeting. I mean, it's just one of those where it's like, oh goodness, like we can see how so much frustration and confusion comes on both sides of that person the asker and the one that is the receiving end of that like woof. Okay, here's, here's one that is it's, it's on all of us. We all just have to hear it because we're so bad at disconnecting.

Jon Kidwell 3:22

But when you're getting ready to go on vacation and the last line out the door is I just want to let you all know I'm going to be available while I'm off, I mean one just the stark contradiction, especially if we say things inside of our work like, oh, we want to have a better work-life balance, we want to do all these things, da-da-da-da-da. But really, what's being communicated to everybody else that just heard. That is okay, you are going to be off and I have a feeling you expect me to keep you in the loop on things. You probably want to make decisions on some critical things, not me. And when it comes time for me to be away, you've clearly said I need to be available as well.

Jon Kidwell 4:06

Even if your words say differently, those actions and what you just said and then the behaviors that follow totally align with it and it's like oh, it's a gut check for me on so many. Of course, I'm like I can just do this one little thing. But hilarity of words. I just want you to know that I'm going to be available while I am off, so I know that you have these things right, you're thinking of them. There's no way that I could build an exhaustive list of the hilarity of all that goes on, so send them to me social media, dm, meme it whatever you got to do, but would love to see it. And then take a second and share this episode with somebody else, especially the person that you're like. Oh, you and I both know that we say these things or that somebody says these things, and here's what we can do to start figuring out the things we say and how we can get better at it. And you know where we do this.

Jon Kidwell 4:59

The worst, honest to goodness, it happens so much, especially in a work context and in a leader context is inside of meetings. And here's the one about the things that we say and kind of how it goes. And I catch this and I think about this one all the time, and it is those two words, I think. When's the last time? Maybe today? When's the last time you were in a meeting where somebody said you know, I think we should do X? And everybody in that meeting, whether the leader said that or any of us, we just heard that as oh, we are doing X, the, I think without that preface of all of us. Every single time we're going in there saying I have an idea, I have this couple of things going on there, like strangely. But just think about how much we all do that.

Jon Kidwell 5:50

And especially if you, like me, were in an organization where the first idea was the winning idea, if you said I think it became okay and we immediately went into how do we problem solve the, I think, so that we can actually all go out and do this instead of calling it out as an, I think, oh, that's a thought, it's not an action, it's not an initiative, it's not a direction, it's not a command, that's a thought, right. And taking it as a thought on face value, I think Okay. So how do we untangle all of that? Because we can't just sit there in guilt and shame and make our leader feel bad for saying things like I think and then each of us running out and doing things based on what they said and at the flip side, like if somebody says I think and somebody reads that as that's a thought, that's an idea, didn't do anything with it because I didn't hear any specific decision or action that was made, like we are in the land of gray and that is ambiguous. So how can we think about the things we say and change the words? Even though that might be awkward, it will save us from the confusing awkwardness later on once we've gone through that. So, just using that, I think right, what might we be able to do?

Jon Kidwell 7:07

There is one question, and I have found this profoundly helpful in going into different organizations, different cultures, different places, to be able to engage and try to figure out what's going on, because usually I'm the most confused one in the room when people start talking. And so here's the question you can use it and it really helps untangle the things we say so that we have a clear understanding, and it is especially in meetings. That's great. Is that an idea, an update, a decision, or do we need to take action on that? It's a question that really just drives at the clarification oh, just sharing an idea, boom. Now everybody there and everybody in the meeting is going to be so grateful that you had the courage to step in and ask that question, and I understand it takes courage because we all want to be like yes, we are tracking 100% and, and everybody just got what you said, even though nobody understood what you said, I get that stepping out of that. It takes some courage. You got to do it, but everybody will be grateful. You'll walk out of that meeting and others are going to be like so glad you asked that question because I had no idea.

Jon Kidwell 8:24

So when you get into those and you get into that rhythm of like you're talking, you're solving problems, somebody says something that's confusing, like I just want you to know that I'm available while I'm off. Is that something where you're asking us to send information to you, or are you working while you're away and you're just working from a different location? How do you want me to handle that? How do you want me to engage with that information? Asking the follow-up question Is this an idea, an update, a decision, an action? When does as soon as possible mean for you Whatever that is flipping it back on the person where, all of a sudden, they're just kindly gonna see like, well, yeah, that's a little confusing.

Jon Kidwell 9:07

And working to clarity so that it serves the person who said it and the person or people who are receiving it is massively helpful. So ask the question, clarify if this is an idea, an update, a decision, an action, and get what you need so that we can clarify the things we say, so that we can all keep moving forward, working well, having great relationships and producing great results. Can't wait to hear some of the things that you say. We can give each other grace for all the things that we say that are just weird, and if I'm being honest, that one is the weirdest one because we need to operate honestly as much as we can. Let's go forth and do that and it'll all work out pretty well. So until next time, my friends be well. God bless and lead on.